I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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