I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
