Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
