Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
