It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
