and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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