i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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