What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
