just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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