Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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