I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
