apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
