Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
