i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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