my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
