I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
