I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
