he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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