His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
