$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
