a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
