pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
