My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Randomize
