so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
