I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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