He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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