It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
