Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
my sisters under your porch take her home
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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