I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
