Banned from zoo.
Again?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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