I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
