Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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