i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
