Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
