ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You don't make any sense
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