I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
