i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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