textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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