If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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