this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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