I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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