dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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