The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
