I CAN MOONWALK!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
