I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
