dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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