yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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