i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
