Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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