I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
