Someone shit on the floor
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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