fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize