White coat. Heels.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
