so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize