I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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