She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
