just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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