Swine flu. Run for my life!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
