first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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