My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
