The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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