I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
